I recently came across an article titled “Marriage is made in Hell” by Laura Kipnis, a Media Studies professor at the NorthWestern University. She presents marriage as an outdated and in some respect constrictive institution. I hate to think that I am as cynical as Kipnis, but I found myself agreeing with her observations. I came to the conclusion that marriage must experience a major overhaul to remain relevant in our ever changing society. A report by the Globe and Mail showed that in 2008, more than 40% of marriages ended in divorce, a 2% increase from the previous year. Marriage has its advantages, some of which are highlighted by Kipnis, but it has also proven to be a prison of broken dreams and desires for many people.
Kipnis suggest that a successful marriage requires the denial of personal desires and goals for the union. She identifies some of the sacrifices that marriage demands, and I know many women and men who have endured discomfort to honour their wedding vows. My parents are an example, as they struggled for many years to keep their union together. Being leaders in the church, they felt they had a duty to set an example and fight for their marriage. Their stubborn attempt to stay together made home a living hell, and my sisters and I had to endure many fights between our parents. When they finally separated, we experienced a side of our parents we never saw before; they morphed into real people who loved every day of their new lives. Dad bought a red car, a colour my mother hated and mom travelled to Haiti, a destination my father forbade. It was clear that being single allowed them to fulfill desires they were denied when married. I would go even further and say that the separation had released them from a match made in a personal hell.
The comedian Chris Rock jokes that the wedding reception is a set up, as couples will never again experience “the high” felt at this ceremony; it is all downhill after this point. However the ceremony is not alone in creating a false sense of reality. Women who grew up with images of Disney princesses riding happily ever after into the sunset with Prince Charming, are given a rude awakening when the glass slipper does not fit. Men who are caught up in the world of sitcoms, where every problem is solved within 20 minutes, will also find reality to be bitter. The very idea of being husband and wife harbours unrealistic expectations. There are many instances of couples who have lived together for many years separating soon after they get married. This is an indictment on marriage, as the couple proved that they had the ability to stay together outside of wedlock, but having made it “official”, heightened expectations and ruined the union. These couples can be accused of bringing damnation upon themselves by getting married.
With marriage rates on a steady decline and divorce rising, it is safe to say that many people have opted out of this institution. Its benefits are easily duplicated, making marriage redundant. The society is changing along with our values, and marriage still holds true to its core which fits perfectly in the Victorian era. The celebration of individualism, education, capitalism and “singledom” has allowed people to aspire for more than the title afforded to them in wedlock. Is it hell? I wouldn’t go as far as saying that, but I know that unless you are masochistic, discomfort and sacrifice are not appealing…and it R the truth.
I was recently drawn to the headline of The Jamaican Star *vomits*…”Furry Burger eater beaten”…now I had several issues with this;
1. Y is there a need to report on this?
2. Y was it on the cover of a major newspaper?
I won’t tackle the first two issues because frankly, the star is not worth my time. The main issue that compels me to write this blog is how the hell wha di man do wid him mouth concern ppl? Why people think they have a right to dictate to others how they should conduct themselves within the confines of their bedrooms? As long as it occurs between consenting adults, how the hell you should tell them not to do it? Jamaicans have a serious case of TOO-DAMN-FASS-ITIS, it is chronic and have resulted in people losing eyes, skin and even life, we need to stop it.
Now imagine this man enjoy performing oral sex on his woman, he has never borrowed anybody’s mouth, or tongue, he uses the one he was given to pleasure women and nagga, being enslaved by popular view decide to beat him, because him a dem pickney and dem must tell him fi stop it….am I the only one who have issues with this? I swear if some a dem were experiencing oral sex they wouldn’t have time fi a beat ppl…I guess it boils down to jealousy…dem too too damn outadda man.
The damn dunces we have that walk around calling themselves entertainers is another set. Had it not been for homosexuals and those who indulge in oral sex, some of these dunces would not get any “forward” at stage shows, they have no other topic that they can speak to the people on. What’s even worse is that NUFF A DEM DJ A DWEET TOO! I think we need to get to the place where we respect each other enough to live and let live….it r the truth.